7 Things to Talk about Before Getting Married
I started dating my husband when I was 18, we got engaged when I was 19, and then married when I was 20, I didn’t feel like I was that young at the time (although I’m still young—26), but now I’m like “WOW, I WAS SO YOUNG” Haha! But it truly feels like the biggest blessing to be able to grow up and grow old with my husband and best friend.
Looking back after almost 5 1/2 years of marriage, I realize there are SO many things to talk about to really know about each other before getting married. Although you will both grow and change over the course of time, these are some really important topics (IMO) that will only help you to love and understand each other, and grow closer to Christ and closer together.
What does a healthy marriage look like to you?
Because believe it or not, there will come a time when the honeymoon is over and your priorities can shift and change as life gets busier and busier, so establishing the agreement of what a healthy marriage looks like to both of you will help you not to create expectations of your spouse or your marriage!
How will you cultivate a christ-centered marriage?
Committing to God and each other to honor Him through this covenant as husband and wife goes eternally further than the just the day you say “I do.” Make time to spend in prayer, in His word, together and apart, and always encouraging one another to seek Him first in all things.
What are your love languages?
Learning your love languages teaches us so much about ourselves and our spouses, how we can better serve, love, and understand each other the way we uniquely need. (Online Love Languages Test)
What are each of your Enneagram types?
They truly help us see and know each other, our personalities, and how you work together. Not letting our type’s become an excuse, but more of a self-growth tool to help us learn and grow, and grow together! (Online Free Enneagram Assessment)
How do you deal with conflict?
No one really likes to think about or deal with conflict, but it’s pretty much inevitable in all relationships. However, it is possible to have healthy conflict. Learning how each of you grew up seeing and dealing with conflict and how you’d like to navigate it in your own relationship is vital. And truly just remembering that most conflict comes from one or the other of you feeling misunderstood, so try to give your spouse grace and the benefit of the doubt and always hug it out!
What are your apology languages?
Tying into the previous question…if you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you feel like the other person is apologizing for something, but you’re still upset or don’t feel like they get it or are actually sorry, it could be because your apology language isn’t being spoken. Learning your primary language for apology for yourself and your spouse will help you to communicate what you need to hear to move forward and then we will be able to give and receive the most sincere apologies. (Online Apology Language Quiz)
Have you talked about money?
Money is actually the second leading cause of divorce, so it is very important to discuss how each of you plans to earn, spend, save, give, and invest money if you get married, and why, to keep you on the same page. Here’s a few important Q’s about $ to start with— Do you have a budget? Who is going to handle the finances? How much savings are you going to have? How do you feel about debt?
To all my married friends out there, do you guys have any tips on what should be talked about before marriage? Share your thoughts below in the comments!